If My Cats Wrote Horoscopes

A long long time ago when I worked for some one less respectable, I had to be more creative or else I would try to gouge my eyes out with gummy bears.  With the help of an esteemed colleague that was in the same trying not to gouge eyes out stage, we came up with a mini news letter to relieve our pent up creativity. I got to write horoscopes for it. It has been almost a decade since I had the pleasure of writing horoscopes and sometimes I wonder what horoscopes would look like if my cats wrote them.   

Aries 3/21 -4-19

There is a fire in your soul, but that is not surprising since you are a fire sign, but be sure to keep that fire well-tended so that you don’t end up burnt out, cause nobody like burnt brisket.

Taurus 4/20 – 5/20

As prepared as you are, there are some things in life that you just can’t foresee and ninja attacks are one of them. As long as your realize this and accept it, all will be well with you.

Gemini 5/21 – 6/21

Broken hearts can’t tell time. If you don’t learn from the past you will never enjoy your future.

Cancer 6/22 – 7/22

Sometimes it seems like there is one drama after another and all you want to do is hunker down into a ball and wait for it end. But when you are curled into a ball of worry you are keeping all the worries to yourself instead of letting them go. Stretch out!

Leo 7/23 -8/22

Sometimes it is easier to react, then to consider what is really going on.  Going with your gut instinct will only take you so far. Eventually you will need proof to back up your actions.

Virgo 8/23 -9/22

The choices that need to be made are never easy. Sometimes you want to avoid it and hope it will go away, but that will only make things worse. Act now!

Libra 9/23 -10/22

You seek freedom. In order to truly be free, you have to understand what is enslaving you and why.  If you don’t’ understand this, you will never find what you are looking for.

Scorpio 10/23 – 11/21

Sometime it can be unsettling to live with your choices, but as long as you are comfortable with yourself and your conscience, it doesn’t matter the opinions of others. You can’t be everything to everyone and to try to be is foolish.

Sagittarius 11/22 – 12/21

This year might not have started out as the best for you, but things will begin to look up eventually if you keep a positive attitude to every new challenge presented.

Capricorn 12/22 -1/19

Finding what you want and sticking to your choices is not going to be an easy task. The road to self-growth and awareness is going to be filled with boxes of worry and bags of self-doubt.

Aquarius 1/20 -2/18

It would be good to reach out and strengthen the bots between old friends, because neglected ties will eventually fray.

Pisces 2/19 -3/20

If you stretch yourself too far you will have no room left for yourself. It is easy to understand and to want to help with others, but personal time will renew any dampening ardor.              

Okay, my cats didn't actually write these. I wrote them.  I wrote them a long time ago, but I figured they are kind of like fortune cookies, there isn't really an expiration date on  horoscopes. I would not trust these horoscopes, mostly because I wrote them.  They are pretty much utter horse hockey.   I how ever did successfully get you to look at 12 pictures of my cats.   It may not be a win for you, but it was a win for me.