Hello From the Other Side

Do you ever get a song stuck in your head and it just plays over and over and over again and slowly drives you insane? I might not be to the insanity part yet, but it is getting close.  Mostly because this song is a radio hit, and several people at my job site have it as a ring tone, so that even if the song is not on my mind, it will find a way in. The sad thing is that I had even liked the song for a little bit; I just don’t like the things it makes me think about.  

Hello by Adele

I checked the calendar and it is full moon, which probably explains why I am melancholy over things that can’t be changed and getting randomly teary eyed at my desk when the song pops up on my Pandora station. Excel spread sheets don’t normally bring me to tears, despite popular belief.  

Hello, it's me
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time's supposed to heal ya
But I ain't done much healing

Mostly the song makes me think of Dan.  This is weird, because he would have hated the song if he were still alive.   Maybe it is the line, “Hello, from the other side” that makes me think of the afterlife.  It makes me think of the events of his life, and how frustrated I was planning his funeral.   

Hello, can you hear me?
I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet

It makes me think about us being dumb kids in California, and the stupid fights we would have over nonsensical stuff. The times that were spent camping and fishing and trapped at his little league games and melting crayons on the roof.

There's such a difference between us
And a million miles

As siblings, we were polar opposites.  If I said left, he would go right. Most people wouldn’t even realize we were siblings even if we were standing next to each other.  There were moments that we were good with each other, but they were often just drops in a bucket of tears. 

Hello from the other side
I must have called a thousand times
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home
Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart
But it don't matter. It clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore

It wasn’t a surprise to most that we had falling out. I think that most people thought that it would pass. Even now I don’t like talking about the falling out, mostly because it doesn’t change a thing.

Hello, how are you?
It's so typical of me to talk about myself. I'm sorry
I hope that you're well
Did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened?

You can’t really change the past.  Honestly, we had a lot more growing up to do.

And it's no secret that the both of us
Are running out of time

It is easy to pepper the future with the what-ifs of the past.  What if he didn’t make that choice, and what if I wasn’t so stubborn?  Time ran out and individual choices caught up with us, and now I am stuck with this song in my head imagining that how frustrating it would be for Dan to talk to me from the other side and watching everyday life going on without him.

So hello from the other side (other side)
I must have called a thousand times (thousand times)
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home
Hello from the outside (outside)
At least I can say that I've tried (I've tried)
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart
But it don't matter. It clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore