Pandas are a Myth

I have walked 8 miles in a zoo and I have still not seen a panda.  

This past October, Jon and I visited the famed San Diego Zoo.  The zoo is huge. I spent most of my childhood in Southern California, and while I can remember my way through Disney Land and Knotts Berry Farm with eyes shut, the San Diego Zoo is largely a mystery to me. I vaguely remember going to the zoo once when I was a small child and I have an impression of elephants from that trip.  I honestly think that any interaction with elephants leave an impression. 

The one thing I forget about California is how everything is built into a hill, or around a hill or at the bottom of a hill.  The zoo is no different. The habitats for the animals were amazing.  After seeing a Capybaras, I am positive they are really ROUS  (Rodents of Unusual Size) from Princess Bride.  I learned all about the spray range of lions, and that male hippos are the super duper poopers of the animal kingdom. 

As we walked up the hill and then back again to check out various exhibits, we attempted to see the pandas. The line for the pandas never wavered in intensity.  We attempted so many times to see the pandas that we began to believe there were no pandas. The  pandas were a myth.  You can’t convince me they have pandas in the zoo, since I didn’t see them. 

As a consolation prize for the lack of pandas in my life, Jon bought me a stuffed animal of the Red Panda.   I am convinced that the pandas are a myth and the red panda is really a fat tree fox.   In fact I have name my stuffed animal Foxy. Jon, of course, is not indulging my nonsense, and does not acknowledge Foxy and calls him Mr. Pandaman. 

I feel like there should be a moral to the story about the lack of pandas in my life. I might just be grasping at bamboo right now. Click here for a Sifle & Olly video about the majestic beauty and talents of the mystical creature, the panda.

Screaming on the Inside

Have you ever wondered what it is like to scream on the inside?  There are several memes out there that cover this succulently.  However I have a story that illustrates it beautiful for me.  

I am visiting with my brothers family for an early Christmas.  My brothers, oldest daughter, Hannah and I are doing some female bonding by cleaning the impurities out of our pours with a clay face mask. I don’t normally partake in face masks all that often and after having the middle child, Hailey practice her make skills on my face, cleaning impurities seemed like a really good idea.  (My eyeshadow reached my eyebrows in a shocking 80’s blue and I am pretty sure the she tried to scrub the foundation into my skin to make it match.)

Hannah  pulled out the heavy duty clay mask (Aztec Secret) to dig everything out of my pours, because even after cleaning my face, I still felt like I was wearing make up.  Despite my trepidation about the advertising, Hannah assured me that she had used this several times, and the pulsating was normal.   I worry about things that advertise pulsation. 

 

Like with any mask, as it dries my nose will inevitably begin to itch. And then my face began to tighten, and then tighten some more where it looked like I was scowling because I couldn’t move my face.  My cheeks couldn’t move, my forehead was stuck in place and you don’t realize how much you move your nose, until you can’t.  And yes, the mask pulsates slightly. Or it was all the blood rushing to my nose. I am not sure.  

It comes time to remove the mask. Now, we have to be quiet, because the youngest is sleeping, and my sister in law has promised death to us if we woke him up. Hannah and I are in the bathroom getting ready to warm compress the mask off or scrub the dickens out of our faces when it happens. I had to sneeze.  I went from not being able to move my face at all, to moving it all at once as I silently sneezed. I know what agony feels like. Every nerve ending in my faced screamed “Witness Me”as if it was on Fury Road as it went through all the contortions involved with a sneeze.  

Hannah stood amazed. The silent scream was in my eyes.   Now, whenever I think about screaming on the inside, I think about that feeling. 

Bacon Crackers

Bacon Crackers

This might be the easiest appetizer I have ever made.  

I am one of those people, that if I am having people over it is obviously time to do some experimental cooking off of Pinterest. It was time for the annual white elephant gift party and there would be plenty of guinea pigs.  As much as I wanted to try crazy and outlandish new appetizers, I decided to keep it simple.  (This was more due to time constraints than anything.) I found a simple couple ingredients appetizers that sounded like was fail proof. 

The recipe I used came from TipHero.  It was literally a 5 minute prep time and tasted like candied bacon with a crunch and a bit of spice. I like spicy food, so I might have been a little heavy on the cayenne that you sprinkle on top of the brown sugar, that gave it a sweet burn to the bacon. 

Here is a picture of before I put it in the oven. 

And here is what was remaining when I remembered to take a picture when it came out of the oven. 

If you are ever in need for a simple, quick appetizer that a majority of people will enjoy, I would recommend Bacon Crackers.  It takes the same amount of skill to make as it does to eat.