Lizard Men tried to Sell Me a Car

Lizard men tried to sell me a car. 

That isn’t the complete truth.  I have no verifiable proof they were Sleestaks in disguise, but I am one of those people that trusts their instincts.  

A month ago, I was on the verge of buying a vehicle from a lizard man.  In the beginning, I didn’t know he was a lizard man, he seemed human.  He did all the right things, took his time explaining the features of the vehicle to me, while letting me behind the wheel.  Some things I really liked about the vehicle.  My husband was practically bouncing in his seat, because I was warming up to the idea that a car can be utilitarian and luxury. 

Then it happened.  It was kind of like that episode of Land of the Lost, where they think they are home, and then the phone rings, and a voice from beyond the grave ruins the illusion.  The voice beyond the headrest completely ruined the interest I had in purchasing a vehicle. High pressure salesmen combined with over enthusiastically helpfulness to the point of talking down hits all of the buttons of disinterest in me. 

I think with a little bit of liquor, the inner monologue could have been an out monologue.  Sadly I am responsible and boozing up to test drive vehicles, isn’t exactly recommended, even if it would numb the pain of social awkwardness. 

I mean Seriously Dude! I am sure that lane assist is a useful feature, but frankly it isn’t a selling point for me. I would like to think I can stay in my own lane without the vehicle silently judging and correcting me.  Also only a creep would purposely try to distract the driver on a highway to show them features on the steering wheel in the dark.  Total Sleestak move.  Humans just don’t have that sort of night vision and need to pay attention to things such as speed limits and curves in the road.  I can’t be touching the steering wheel to change the dashboards screen while I am going sixty on a highway I have never been on.  It is just asking me to be a stereotype email driver. Not interested in being a stereotype. 

Needless to say, I didn’t buy the vehicle.  Especially after the callings, emailing and texts I received a the following week.  It was like a bad date, where the guy suddenly thinks you are soul mates, because you politely laughed at one dumb joke that wasn’t even funny.   Total Sleestak move.   

Eventually I did purchase a vehicle. It was from a totally different dealership that was super chill.   But chill in a good way, like some one you means dude as a compliment and drinks fancy coffee. Sometimes it is hard to remember you don’t have to commit to Sleestaks.  Just because the lizard man is there does not mean you have to be  romantically involved with them and you certainly don’t have to buy vehicles from them.   

My advice: Be chill and finds something at that makes you feel comfortable and then go one step further if at all possible.  You will thank you for being good to yourself. 

( Land of the Lost  episode is  called Dream Maker. 1992)