Be Real

It is that time of year where traditions reign supreme, and based off of what culture you are raised in, depends on what you celebrate.  No matter what you celebrate or don't celebrate it is undeniable that the year is winding down, while it is gearing up for a new one. That sort of energy makes people crazy. I don't think there is any way around the crazy, and I think that is why some people cling to family during this season. Not because of tradition, but because if you are going to go crazy, you want to go crazy with the same people that probably instilled that crazy in you. 

I have been doing a lot of thinking about family, and not just because my father is flying in for the holidays. (Really, I swear.) I am not super close to my family.  It isn't because I don't want to be, it is because I don't know how to. I don't know how to just be. I think, and I worry, and I obsess of small things quite neurotically. I blow things out of proportion from time to time, and if I am blowing it out of proportion, then it most likely was a small thing to begin with, because the truth is I don't like to talk about the big things.  It is so much easier to throw some drama around about something I don't care about, then to actually talk about what I do care about.

I don't think that I am alone with this sort of disconnect.  I don't want to be disconnected. I don't want to die alone with my cats going feral and eating my body to survive. (I think that would only happen if my husband died first, but I don't want to tempt fate on that.) I am trying to open a dialogue. I real dialogue, not just the scripted ones about the weather, and the non conversations with canned responses.  I am opening that dialogue with my friends, and with parts of my family, which means it is going to be messy, and emotional and all those other things that sound awful. But... It will be real. And more than anything I value real.  Being real with who you are, and what relationships you have, makes all the bad days a little hard and the good days a little brighter, but I think it is worth it. 

It is easy to get caught up in holiday madness and to grow cynical over how fake it can be, and how over whelming it can be to try and get everything accomplished.  I am no saint, and I am probably not always the best person I can be  at any time of the year, but I urge everyone to develop relationships that are real. Create a real bond, and do what traditions feel real to you and have worth to you, or better yet create your own traditions.  Someone once said, "What you allow, will continue." I think that is so incredibly true when it comes to communication and relationships. 

It isn't New Years. It isn't a holiday today (that I am aware of.)  It is just today, but what I want is a better relationship and a more real relationship with some of the people in my life. To do that, I have to be real myself. Good luck world, and happy holidays.