Horse Feathers

I can’t tell if I should consider myself educated or just well read.  My husband procured a copy of Horse Feathers & Other Curious Words by Charles Earl Funk for me in San Diego, and it is making me laugh. 

Without a doubt they were loose with the “Other Curious Words”, since I don’t think that “Auburn” is a curious word; however the illustrations with the word make me smile and are a little reminiscent of Phantom Toll Booth, which was one of my favorite wordplay books in my younger years.

There are a couple of words that did make me scratch my head. 

 I think the conversation I had with Faye about the definition of huggermugger is more interesting than the word itself. 

Here is the definition:

Here is the conversation

Another amusing word is sesquipedalian. My goal is to work this word into my vocabulary in a grandiose manner this week at work.  

Albeit, my husband has perverse example to which that word could be used in, and I will not repeat it, but it did make me laugh. If it isn’t a hoagie it’s a hero. 

If you stumble upon this book in your travel, give it a gander.  It has amused me and is now a treasured member of my library. 

Satellite Girl and Milk Cow

Satellite Girl and Milk Cow

I need someone to watch Satellite Girl and Milk Cow.  I have some ideas about the metaphors in the movie that I want to bounce off of someone other than my husband.  If you haven’t seen the movie, then you might want to stop reading now, because it is going to be a little confusing.

Here are a couple of the idea’s that I have about the characters and what they represent. 

1. People turn into animals that represent their greatest characteristic
2. Ko turns into a Milk Cow because he is cowardly about his feelings and his actions in life.  Milk Cows aren’t especially brave or adventurous and run away from danger, much like Ko.
3. Witch of the North turned into a Boar, because while she is a boring individual with crass and crude mannerisms. 
4. Merlin is a roll of toilet paper, because even wise men have to deal with shit. 
5. Osajang  (Hunter) steals peoples livers, because there is always someone that takes advantage of other people for their own gain, and often times that sort of thing impacts the victim like a removal of a vital organ.

I have a half baked idea about the Furnace, but not quite sure how I want to word it.  When I have it all worked out in my head, I’ll come back and update this post.  Until then, what do you think the Furnace represents?  Or do you think that I am just overthinking it?

Sweater of Shame

Sweater of Shame

I am sure that any cat parent can attest that it is hard to teach a cat the difference between right and wrong.  Part of the trouble in teaching a cat anything is that they are so darn cute. They use their cuteness as a weapon to get away with thing they know are wrong.  Both of my cats know that they are not to jump on the television stand. Iggins, the good cat never does it. This is part of the reason he is the good cat.  Dib on the other hand, is smart and crafty.  He will jump up because he knows it will give him the attention he craves.  Anyone that has ever met Dib, knows that he likes to be the center of attention.

It has been a years long battle with Dib on not jumping on the television stand.  We have tried multiple solutions given to us by the mighty internet.  Try spraying him with water.  Dib doesn’t care. He will just sit there and take it. In fact he might even like it.  Put double sided tap down.  It works, but it also looks like and arts and crafts project gone wrong when it has to cover every single surface.  If there is even an edge open, he will perch a paw on it.  Shouting loud noises and tossing pillow at him also doesn’t work.  He looks at it as a game.  Dib is a stubborn smart bad cat that has way too much charm. 

It is true that when you hit rock bottom, the only way you can go is up.  This is the same with cat. I thought I had hit rock bottom and it was going to be hopeless, but then inspiration struck.  The Sweater of Shame. 

Dib hates wearing clothing.  When he was a young adult we had dressed him for Halloween once and discovered he was not keen on clothing.  Thus the idea of Sweater of Shame came upon me.  So far, this is working.

He hates it. He looks cute in it, so I am not compelled to take it off right away, and hopefully slowly he learns his lesson.  If he doesn’t then he will be even cuter running around in sweaters and getting away with even more bad stuff because he would be too cute to be stopped.  

My Brother: The Fixer

My Brother: The Fixer

I was originally going to name this post, “Ha Ha! Your Old!”  But it is my brothers birthday, and I thought I would be nice.  It is one of those significant birthdays, that well meaning coworkers, terrible friends and beloved family members send funeral wreaths.  It is a midlife crisis sort birthday.  I am the best sister ever. Aside from sending him random terrible gifts for an entire month just to annoy him, singing off key into his message machine Happy Birthday and generally being annoying, I want to share a little bit of nostalgia that every time I think about it I laugh. 

Mike and I when we were young and cute.

The Fixer:

All stories have to start somewhere.  This one starts with tears.  When I was in high school, I had a boyfriend and he was my world. We had plans to be one of those couples that beat the odds and stayed married for a million years.  We were the sort of couples that were almost nauseating to be around. I graduated a year before him, and was sure that our love was going to be strong to over come anything.  

I know your are thinking that this doesn’t sound like a story about my brother.  Hang in there. 

It should come as no surprise to some that despite all my teenage hopes and dreams of living happily ever after with my high school sweetheart in wedded bliss, it was not meant to be.  Unsurprising the proximity of our priorities and life experiences tore us apart.  

I, being an emotional teenager was distraught when the final blow came. Being dumped sucked.  Sobbing my eyes out and was pretty sure that I would never love again and die of a broken heart.  In the middle of this mess of teenage hormones and  general blubbering about how fair life is, with my the at that time best friend trying to sooth my wounded female pride, comes my brother. 

Mike looked at me, and my wretched state and offered his own brand of assistance to my plight. 

“I’ll slash his tires.”

My brother was 100% serious in his offer, and because of that I laughed.  And while it didn’t fix anything, it fixed everything. 

Happy BIrthday Mike!  You are the best!

Pandas are a Myth

I have walked 8 miles in a zoo and I have still not seen a panda.  

This past October, Jon and I visited the famed San Diego Zoo.  The zoo is huge. I spent most of my childhood in Southern California, and while I can remember my way through Disney Land and Knotts Berry Farm with eyes shut, the San Diego Zoo is largely a mystery to me. I vaguely remember going to the zoo once when I was a small child and I have an impression of elephants from that trip.  I honestly think that any interaction with elephants leave an impression. 

The one thing I forget about California is how everything is built into a hill, or around a hill or at the bottom of a hill.  The zoo is no different. The habitats for the animals were amazing.  After seeing a Capybaras, I am positive they are really ROUS  (Rodents of Unusual Size) from Princess Bride.  I learned all about the spray range of lions, and that male hippos are the super duper poopers of the animal kingdom. 

As we walked up the hill and then back again to check out various exhibits, we attempted to see the pandas. The line for the pandas never wavered in intensity.  We attempted so many times to see the pandas that we began to believe there were no pandas. The  pandas were a myth.  You can’t convince me they have pandas in the zoo, since I didn’t see them. 

As a consolation prize for the lack of pandas in my life, Jon bought me a stuffed animal of the Red Panda.   I am convinced that the pandas are a myth and the red panda is really a fat tree fox.   In fact I have name my stuffed animal Foxy. Jon, of course, is not indulging my nonsense, and does not acknowledge Foxy and calls him Mr. Pandaman. 

I feel like there should be a moral to the story about the lack of pandas in my life. I might just be grasping at bamboo right now. Click here for a Sifle & Olly video about the majestic beauty and talents of the mystical creature, the panda.

Screaming on the Inside

Have you ever wondered what it is like to scream on the inside?  There are several memes out there that cover this succulently.  However I have a story that illustrates it beautiful for me.  

I am visiting with my brothers family for an early Christmas.  My brothers, oldest daughter, Hannah and I are doing some female bonding by cleaning the impurities out of our pours with a clay face mask. I don’t normally partake in face masks all that often and after having the middle child, Hailey practice her make skills on my face, cleaning impurities seemed like a really good idea.  (My eyeshadow reached my eyebrows in a shocking 80’s blue and I am pretty sure the she tried to scrub the foundation into my skin to make it match.)

Hannah  pulled out the heavy duty clay mask (Aztec Secret) to dig everything out of my pours, because even after cleaning my face, I still felt like I was wearing make up.  Despite my trepidation about the advertising, Hannah assured me that she had used this several times, and the pulsating was normal.   I worry about things that advertise pulsation. 

 

Like with any mask, as it dries my nose will inevitably begin to itch. And then my face began to tighten, and then tighten some more where it looked like I was scowling because I couldn’t move my face.  My cheeks couldn’t move, my forehead was stuck in place and you don’t realize how much you move your nose, until you can’t.  And yes, the mask pulsates slightly. Or it was all the blood rushing to my nose. I am not sure.  

It comes time to remove the mask. Now, we have to be quiet, because the youngest is sleeping, and my sister in law has promised death to us if we woke him up. Hannah and I are in the bathroom getting ready to warm compress the mask off or scrub the dickens out of our faces when it happens. I had to sneeze.  I went from not being able to move my face at all, to moving it all at once as I silently sneezed. I know what agony feels like. Every nerve ending in my faced screamed “Witness Me”as if it was on Fury Road as it went through all the contortions involved with a sneeze.  

Hannah stood amazed. The silent scream was in my eyes.   Now, whenever I think about screaming on the inside, I think about that feeling. 

Bacon Crackers

Bacon Crackers

This might be the easiest appetizer I have ever made.  

I am one of those people, that if I am having people over it is obviously time to do some experimental cooking off of Pinterest. It was time for the annual white elephant gift party and there would be plenty of guinea pigs.  As much as I wanted to try crazy and outlandish new appetizers, I decided to keep it simple.  (This was more due to time constraints than anything.) I found a simple couple ingredients appetizers that sounded like was fail proof. 

The recipe I used came from TipHero.  It was literally a 5 minute prep time and tasted like candied bacon with a crunch and a bit of spice. I like spicy food, so I might have been a little heavy on the cayenne that you sprinkle on top of the brown sugar, that gave it a sweet burn to the bacon. 

Here is a picture of before I put it in the oven. 

And here is what was remaining when I remembered to take a picture when it came out of the oven. 

If you are ever in need for a simple, quick appetizer that a majority of people will enjoy, I would recommend Bacon Crackers.  It takes the same amount of skill to make as it does to eat.